“Hi everyone, thank you for calling on me, all of you for your service, and everyone for choosing to be here today. My name is Lily and I am an alcoholic and an addict. As for why this works for me? I do not know. I can say it’s because of that ‘God-sized hole in my heart’ or maybe because I have a spiritual malady. It’s so many things but I know that whatever I tried before didn’t give me the peace of mind I have right now. I cannot fathom what my life could be like otherwise, and don’t want to. I wish I could walk you through a recording of what falling asleep in 2019 looked like. Because you see I have had “so-dryety” for what, 2014-2022? And it was not a nice time in my life. It was miserable. I can’t remember all of the things I did but aside from being miserable to be around I hurt myself like never before. Nothing to cover up my inability to find peace and not knowing how to find peace where I was. I want that agenda. God should give it me. I will continue waiting. But until then I will do what makes me feel good. What makes me smile. Saying I love you. Listening. Camera off. Sometimes speaking. Saying ‘I have no idea where this is going but…’ and then ‘I’m going to go ahead and pass… would you like to share with us tonight are you available?’.
For the record, Dr. Silkworth, you called it the phenomenon of craving. It is. I have an experience and it fits and then I cannot stop because I continue to believe it’s possible to reach again when it’s not. Like an alergy? Yeah, I simply don’t react to it like other people. I don’t know what it’s like to have fun drunk. I never had a good time but I did it. A lot of it. And then added more things, substracted things, had extra amounts of that and then one day said I’ll stop and did. ‘This is an open-meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, ‘this is closed meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous.’ ‘I am sorry if you are here to observe for your course, this is a closed meeting of AA there are 24 hour open meetings all over the world try this number this url and you can find one. We’re sorry but this is a safe space for individuals who have a desire to stop drinking and stay sober.’ ‘Well, then give yourselves, your high power, and anyone you find pertinent to your sobriety and program a hand for the chips that you do hold or are working on.’ ‘If we can have a moment of silence for the still sick and sufferring both inside and outside of the rooms, and everyone caiught in the way of this horrible disease through no fault of their own – followed by the 7th Step Prayer: My Creator, I am now willing that You should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that You now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do Your bidding.Amen.‘
It is a few days late. On June 10, 2025 Alcoholics Anonymous made 90 years of continuously “helping” people. I am not going into “saved my life” or “changed my life” or “I have a life because of AA.” It has created space, held space, in many ways. It’s been difficult, and trying, and picks at you, it even disregards the scabs because in the end they don’t matter. Here’s Dr. Bob’s Farewell Letter. “Who wouldv’t thunk it!” “Thanks to the benefits of this fellowship I have not had the desire or needed to pick up a drink today.” And there is a lot of weight behind that statement. A drink does a lot. It does so much. It does too much. “Drinking was only but a symptom. We had to get down to causes and conditions” (AAWS, 2012).
A strange realization has been lingering in my mind for some time now—a recognition that most of my thoughts are not based on reality. Not really. They are based on my subjective experiences, a knowledge base constructed by me, not necessarily by truth.
I used to assume that what I thought must be, in some way, a reflection of reality. That my perceptions, opinions, and gut feelings had some validity simply because they existed within me. But I’ve come to see that most of what arises in my mind is just that—arising. Not from an objective, factual foundation but from a lifetime of conditioning, biases, and influences that I have absorbed without much scrutiny.
The Subjectivity of Thought
Most of my thoughts are automatic. They pop up without permission, shaped by my past experiences, the stories I’ve been told, and my adopted interpretations. But how many of those thoughts are true? How many are simply echoes of things I’ve heard or assumed rather than reflections of reality?
Even deeper, I must ask: what is “truth” anyway? So much of what I know—or instead, what I think I know—comes from human-made structures: books written by people with their own biases, cultural narratives shaped by power and historical convenience, and scientific theories that are constantly evolving. Even facts, in how we think of them, are subject to change when better tools or perspectives emerge.
If my thoughts arise from this shifting, subjective landscape, then how can I trust them?
The Mind as a Filter, Not a Mirror
I used to believe that my mind was a mirror of reality, reflecting things as they are. But now I see that it is more of a filter that distorts, colors, and reshapes everything it processes.
My thoughts are dark and cynical if I am in a bad mood. If I am happy, everything appears lighter and more hopeful. The same situation can feel entirely different based on my emotional state, my level of fatigue, or even what I ate that day. How can I trust my immediate thoughts when they are so easily swayed?
Even memory, something we tend to rely on as a source of truth, is deeply unreliable. Every time we recall something, we reshape it slightly, filtering it through who we are now rather than who we were then. The brain fills in gaps, alters details, and reinforces whatever narrative we already believe.
Living in a Constructed Reality
Beyond my own personal thoughts, the world I live in—the ideas I take for granted, the values I uphold, the rules I follow—are all human constructs. Money, laws, morality, social norms, identity itself… all are ideas that we, as a species, agreed upon.
I once thought knowledge was a ladder, something we climb to reach a higher, more objective understanding. But now, I see it more as a web—an interconnected mass of ideas, stories, and beliefs, none of which can ever be fully isolated from human subjectivity.
What Do I Do With This Awareness?
Where does that leave me if I cannot trust my thoughts? It would be easy to fall into nihilism, to say, “If nothing is certain, then nothing matters.” But instead, I see this realization as freeing.
It means I don’t have to take every thought seriously. Just because a thought arises does not mean it is true, meaningful, or worth engaging with. I can observe my mind with detachment, recognizing when it feeds me outdated beliefs, irrational fears, or baseless assumptions.
It also means I can be open to change. If my mind is not a fixed, reliable source of truth, then I do not have to be a slave to my past beliefs. I can question. I can unlearn. I can recognize that the reality I experience is not necessarily the reality and that there is always more to discover beyond my thinking.
I cannot trust my own thoughts. But maybe that’s okay. Maybe the real wisdom lies in trusting them and knowing when to let them go.
Happiness. It’s something we all chase. Right? Whether we’re climbing the career ladder, seeking love, or filling our days with hobbies, at the root of it all is the same goal: to feel happy. But what happens when it seems like happiness is always out of reach, dangling like a carrot we can never quite grab? Does it mean we’re powerless over our own happiness?
It’s easy to feel that way sometimes. Life throws curveballs—stressful jobs, broken relationships, health struggles—and we’re left feeling as though we’re at the mercy of the world around us. Happiness feels fleeting as if it’s something that happens to us rather than something we have any control over. But here’s the truth: we have far more power over our happiness than we realize.
Understanding What Happiness Really Is
First, let’s break down the idea of happiness. For many of us, it’s tied to external circumstances—having a great job, a loving partner, or financial security. And while these things can contribute to our well-being, happiness isn’t always about what happens to us. It’s often about what happens within us.
Research in psychology shows that three main factors influence happiness:
Our Genetics (some people are naturally more prone to positivity)
Our Intentional Actions (how we choose to think, act, and react)
While we can’t always change our genetics or fully control our circumstances, we have a tremendous amount of influence over our actions and mindset—and that’s where the magic happens.
The Power of Choice
Think about the last time you were faced with a challenge. Maybe you were passed over for a promotion or had an argument with a friend. In those moments, it’s easy to let negative emotions take over. But what if you had a choice? What if, instead of reacting with frustration or self-pity, you paused and asked yourself:
What can I learn from this?
How can I grow?
Is there a way to find joy or gratitude in this moment?
Happiness doesn’t always come naturally. Sometimes, it requires effort. Choosing to focus on the good, to be grateful, or to look for lessons in hardship doesn’t mean ignoring pain or pretending everything’s okay. It means taking back your power by deciding how you respond.
Small Actions, Big Impact
The idea of “choosing happiness” can sound overly simplistic, but it’s grounded in science. Research shows that small, intentional actions can significantly improve our sense of happiness and well-being. Here are a few practical ways to regain power over your happiness:
Practice Gratitude: Take a few moments each day to reflect on what you’re thankful for. Even small things, like a sunny morning or a kind word from a friend, can shift your mindset.
Focus on What You Can Control: Life is unpredictable, but you always have control over your attitude, your actions, and how you treat others.
Move Your Body: Exercise releases endorphins, which are natural mood boosters. A short walk or quick stretch can make a surprising difference.
Connect with Others: Humans are wired for connection. Spend time with loved ones, reach out to an old friend, or simply smile at a stranger.
Find Purpose in Small Moments: You don’t need grand achievements to feel fulfilled. Even helping a coworker or sharing laughter with family can give your day meaning.
Letting Go of the Myths
One of the biggest myths about happiness is that it’s supposed to be constant. The truth is, life comes with ups and downs. Happiness isn’t about being cheerful every second—it’s about building a foundation of well-being that allows you to weather life’s storms.
Sometimes, we also wait for happiness to arrive instead of creating it ourselves. We think, “I’ll be happy when I get that promotion,” or “I’ll feel better when I lose 10 pounds.” But happiness doesn’t live in some distant future. It’s something we can nurture right here, right now, no matter where we are in life.
You Are Not Powerless
So, are we powerless over our happiness? Absolutely not. While we can’t always control what happens to us, we can control how we think, how we act, and how we choose to experience the world. Happiness isn’t a destination you arrive at; it’s a practice you build, day by day.
Take a deep breath. Look around you. What’s one small thing you can do today to bring a bit more light into your life? Maybe it’s calling a friend, savoring your favorite meal, or simply pausing to appreciate this very moment.
Because in the end, happiness isn’t something you have to chase. You can create it—and you are more powerful than you know.
I have taken on this new perspective, a Twelfth Step practice, of applying the steps to my life. In particular, I am aligning this with love. My experience has shown me I can use this powerlessness ideal for anything.
As a recovering co-dependent, I can say I have been powerless over people. Now, I am admitting that I am powerless over this feeling. Is the feeling good? Yes. Can it become toxic? Yes, it can. Do I want it to be healthy? Yes, I do. So, having “seemingly recovered from a hopeless state of mind and being,” I am officially applying this First step to my emotion – love.
The steps will always work in the same way. I will always feel too much about something. You see, when I don’t overwhelm myself, even if for a moment, with a feeling, then it does not matter. That, of course, does not mean I need to stay there. It seems somewhat dualistic. I know. Is it either love or indifference? Well, maybe. Do we ever act on things and not care while caring? We cannot be doing two things at once. It is not physically possible. Are we always incapable of controlling our emotions and how we behave that it is hopeless? No. Is it possible, though? Yes. Consider something as relevant to me as going to a meeting. I can become so attached to meetings as my saving grace that I refuse to work the program, including living on life’s terms.
My point here is that I have this excellent feeling, and I must first ensure it thrives. I want it to last. This means understanding that the moment I believe I can control it, I have already lost control. I will naturally start to “control it” by worrying. Are the worries necessary? No. Do I worry, regardless? Yes. Do I try to make decisions for “the feeling,” which includes me and possibly someone else? I do. Is this now me trying to control the feeling as well as taking control of someone else’s actions – trying to? Yes. This is why I officially take the first step and admit my powerlessness over this love.
I am not going into this any further. There is too much to be said and insufficient clarity available to share. I can tell, though, that admitting that I feel something, admitting that I have no control over it, admitting that it helps me smile, and admitting that I will allow this to take its course is the best I can do right now.
I admitted that I am powerless over this adoration. I feel that my life has become unmanageable.”
PS. I am NOT interested in managing it. It is so much more beautiful when it happens organically. Do I want it to have happened already? Of course! But that’s when I move on to Step 2.
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