by admin | Dec 14, 2025 | AA, Addiction, Lifestyle & Work, Well-being
I have compressed this essay into a few pages. Had it been possible I would have reduced it to as many lines. It is not intended to be an instructional treatise, but a practical recipe for getting out of trouble. Study and research are well in their own time and place, but no amount of either will get you out of a concrete difficulty. Nothing but practical work in your own consciousness will do that. The mistake made by many people, when things go wrong, is to skim through book after book, without getting anywhere. Read The Golden Key several times. Do exactly what it says, and if you are persistent enough you will overcome any difficulty. —Emmet Fox.
Scientific prayer will enable you to get yourself or anyone else, out of any difficulty. It is the golden key to harmony and happiness.
To those who have no acquaintance with the mightiest power in existence, this may appear to be a rash claim, but it needs only a fair trial to prove that, without a shadow of a doubt, it is just one. You need take no one’s word for it, and you should not. Simply try it for yourself.
God is omnipotent, and we are God’s image and likeness and have dominion over all things. This is the inspired teaching, and it is intended to be taken literally, at its face value. The ability to draw on this power is not the special prerogative of the mystic or the saint, as is so often supposed, or even the highly trained practitioner. Everyone has this ability. Whoever you are, wherever you may be, the golden key to harmony is in your hand now. This is because in scientific prayer it is God who works, and not you, and so your particular limitations or weaknesses are of no account in the process. You are only the channel through which the divine action takes place, and your treatment will be just the getting of yourself out of the way.
Beginners often get startling results the first time, for all that is essential is to have an open mind and sufficient faith to try the experiment. Apart from that, you may hold any views on religion, or none.
As for the actual method of working, like all fundamental things, it is simplicity itself. All you have to do is this: Stop thinking about the difficulty, whatever it is, and think about God instead. This is the complete rule, and if only you will do this, the trouble, whatever it is, will disappear. It makes no difference what kind of trouble it is. It may be a big thing or a little things: it may concern health, finance, a lawsuit, a quarrel, an accident, or anything else conceivable: but whatever it is, stop thinking about it and think of God instead—that is all you have to do. It could not be simpler, could it? God could scarcely have made it simpler, and yet it never fails to work when given a fair trial.
Do not try to form a picture of God, which is impossible. Work by rehearsing anything or everything that you know about God. God is wisdom, truth, inconceivable love. God is present everywhere, has infinite power, knows everything, and so on. It matters not how well you may think you understand these things: go over them repeatedly.
But you must stop thinking of the trouble, whatever it is. The rule is, to think about God. If you are thinking about your difficulty, you are not thinking about God. To be continually glancing over your shoulder in order to see how matters are progressing is fatal, because it is thinking of the trouble, and you must think of God and nothing else. Your object is to drive the thought of the difficulty out of your consciousness, for a few moments at least, substituting for it the thought of God. This is the crux of the whole thing. If you can become so absorbed in this consideration of the spiritual world that you forget for a while about the difficulty, you will find that you are safely and comfortably out of your difficulty—that your demonstration is made.
In order to “golden key” a troublesome person or a difficult situation, think, “Now I am going to ‘golden key’ John, or Mary, or that threatened danger”: then proceed to drive all thought of John, or Mary, or the danger out of your mind, replacing it with the thought of God.
By working in this way about a person, you are not seeking to influence his conduct in any way, except that you prevent him from injuring or annoying you, and you do him nothing but good. Thereafter, he is certain to be in some degree a better, wiser, and more spiritual person, just because you have “golden keyed” him. A pending lawsuit or other difficulty would probably fade out harmlessly without coming to a crisis, justice being done to all parties concerned.
If you find that you can do this very quickly, you may repeat the operation several times a day with intervals between. Be sure, however, each time you have done it, that you drop all thought of the matter until the next time. This is important.
We have said that the golden key is simple, and so it is, but of course it is not always easy to turn. If you are very frightened or worried, at first it may be difficult to get your thoughts away from material things. But by constantly repeating a statement of absolute Truth, such as: There is no power but God; I am the child of God, filled and surrounded by the perfect peace of God; God is love; God is guiding me now; or, perhaps best and simplest of all, God is with me—however mechanical or trite it may seem—you will soon find that the treatment has begun to “take.” And that your mind is clearing. Do not struggle violently; be quiet, but insistent. Each time you find your attention wandering, switch it back to God.
Do not try to think in advance what the solution to your difficulty will be. This is called “outlining” and will only delay the demonstration. Leave the question of ways and means to God. You want to get out of your difficulty that is sufficient. You do your half, and God will never fail to do God’s.
“Whoever calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved.” Acts 2:21
by admin | Oct 30, 2025 | AA, Addiction
I’m listening to an excellent story from the AA Grapevine, but all it has done is remind me of what I will do every time—”Why did you do it?”
Possibly a question outside the tenets of AA and “Keep Coming Back.” Certainly! Never stay behind. I will carry you if necessary. I would drag you if I could. Tradition One tells me “Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon A.A. unity” (AAWS, 2001). Listen, this is a program of attraction, and not promotion. I am putting aside if I give to you, I get to stay sober. No. That’s promoting that if I help—transaction—I get to stay sober. That’s not my mindset. My mindset sounds more like “I will stay sober by helping you because it is no longer in my nature to wonder what I will get out of this. It’s more along the lines of I know what it feels like, I see you this way, I live something much different than you right now or so it seems, and it may not always be that I want you in this too—another transaction; maybe, just maybe, it’s that I see you, you are asking for help, or maybe you’re not, but you’re not safe, let me at least take you somewhere that can keep you safe until you wake up.
That was me going off on a tangent, completely, but the initial reminder was asking “why.” “I relapsed.” “Okay. Why did you do it?” It’s a slippery slope. It’s challenging. It’s what almost no alcoholic is willing to answer, and it’s usually because of “testing me,” “doubting me,” “demanding from me,” “mind your own business,” or “because I felt like it.” That’s wonderful, and while the concept of “I am only asking why” may not be understood or stick as peaceful and caring, I would still, somehow, in some way, at some point, ask. This is why I don’t work for everyone. This is also why I need to be contextually sensitive. Can I ask anyone that? No. Have I? Yes. Did that person like it? No. It wasn’t Sponsor-to-Sponsee. It was just at a meeting.
In the end, Sponsorship is a conversation. It’s not “tell me your life.” It is these are the steps, this is how they are done, now are you ready to start doing them? Yes? No? When? Tomorrow? Why not today? Do you know that I have no intention of understanding your reasons? I do, though, think that you should know your own reasons. Not to beat alcoholism because you won’t be able to. Think of alcoholism like the unconscious part of your mind, not your brain, that’s even more complex, your mind, that you barely have access to, you will never understand consciously, and so your own thinking will lead you into the deepest of holes. The moment you think you understand it, you will lose control of it. It’s vast, it’s confusing, and it’s not going to let you see it —you’re not supposed to. Many things exist in nature that, while they are a part of nature, are not meant for everyone. Prime example, the belladonna flower. The angel’s trumpet. Things made legal today, and things unknown, needing control from the start. All natural. Some deadly. Others a very slow suicide.
So, back to my question: why am I not okay for everyone? Because I’m not a nice person. I will drag you. I will carry you. Maybe you won’t like me. Maybe you will. In the end, simply put, I am willing to challenge you. Fire me. I have done it. It was my path, I will not hold it against you, and I hope you don’t hold anything against me. You know why I tell you that? Because resentments are shackles, and I think you should feel freedom. I believe freedom to smile, to laugh, to cry, to love, to live.
Life is beautiful. We make it difficult “at no fault of our own.” See that? That’s why we will not understand it, but we get better. We get better, not at understanding, but at stepping away and living in peace. I chose to live in love. I refuse otherwise. Is it easy? Sometimes. Do I practice it? Always. If it were so easy, then it would not feel as magical as it does. I live in love and live for magic. I hope you someday choose to live in what fills your heart and makes you feel whole.
Lily M. 5/24/2014
P.S. I am loyal, faithful, patient, and believe in good things. I believe; it’s as simple as that. Rarely a hugger. This is how I share a “hug:” come, sit with me. On the floor. Lean against the wall. Let’s talk. Let me listen. So. I rarely hug. I’d rather you feel good, feel safe, feel free—even if just for an instant.
by admin | Oct 27, 2025 | AA, Addiction
Last Friday, I wrote on a list I share with the love of my life (I know that may sound “cheesy” to people. She is.) I admitted my powerlessness over… 1. being nervous, believing that something can make me sane again—from the nervousness—and convincing myself that taking that Leap of Faith called Step Three is possible. I will do my best to try it and succeed.
I was so nervous about this event. See, I was already there, but unlike how it feels to be present, I was nervous and hadn’t let go yet. Truly, predicting these thoughts, actions, and behaviors makes it so much worse than being in the moment and Mindful. I believe the only thing I need to do, instead of sitting and noticing so much this first time around, is see that everything is messy, I am feeling out of sorts, and I do not like it enough to not admit to myself that I am not doing well. It’s that simple. All this analysis I do —it’s unnecessary to start. This may be my issue. It may be someone else’s issue as well. But in the end, this is the true meaning of Step One: I do not like how this feels, and I do not know how to get things back in order. That, my dear friends, is Step One of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Then, after analyzing too much, as I always do, I moved on to Step Two. Something has got to be able to fix this. I don’t know how to do it because I have tried and nothing has worked. Do I want to continue trying? I do. But am I willing to gain understanding from other perspectives as well to enhance my own abilities? To know more? To know better? I am, or rather, I was. And so, if I go back to the book, I may get confused. You see, we read things, and whether we remember a lot or not, they stick! When I focused on marketing, I once wrote a LinkedIn blog post about making things stick. How was it possible? How do we do it? Right now, I can say give it your best by being yourself, and it will stick much better than otherwise. Side note on marketing: that may be why I am not too keen on most brands; inauthenticity runs rampant. No judgements here. I am speaking of my own experiences, not of anything in particular. Maybe it’s me who is inconsistent, and I just don’t get it. We’ll see how things evolve. I know the steps. So I referred to God.
The thing is that God can serve as a placeholder just the same. I am not here to preach to any choir about God, nor anything. Let’s call it a placeholder for something that can actually help. Maybe it’s knowledge. Maybe it’s the truth behind what I am looking for. Perhaps it’s love, or so much more. See, I can go on about that, but it may take these thoughts off on a tangent for now, so… The idea is I need help. Please help me get this nervousness I cannot deal with away from me.
Off to Step Three. Whatever this thing I decided can help me figure this out, I’m going to sit there and say, “You know what, figure it out. Please help me out of this. Please show me how to do this. I am stubborn, I am self-sufficient, and I like to get things done, so please help out.”
And this is how I helped myself out on Friday. Did I get better? For sure. I then lived through the experience. Parts were fine, others were dreadful, but overall things were good. The nervousness went away. It wasn’t nervousness that I felt during those “not-so-good” moments. It was possibly confusion. It was me thinking I know what others are thinking. It was me wanting to know everything. It was me being an alcoholic and not being present. That’s how my alcoholism shows up these days. It’s not ugh, I need to get blasted! No, it’s F-You, possibly for reasons having nothing to do with reality, and needing to escape the fact that I do not know and want to know. I’m sitting in on a meeting right now, hearing “fear inventory,” and that’s why I say those things to others without saying much. It’s not anger. It’s pain. I don’t want to lose you. I didn’t say that during the presentation. That would not have been good, as it would have made me feel and behave worse. In the end I do believe this, my thinking is a bad neighborhood, I should not go there, it is never right when it’s hurting me, and I know that because I do have a concept of “God” and my God is loving and shows up and that “God consciousness” is not correlating with the pain so… where is that coming from? Ego. Not knowing what is true and what is not, and keeping me out of love, which is everywhere I do not want to be.
That, ladies and gentlemen, is my highly simplified explanation of Steps 1, 2, and 3. I hope it helps. If it does not, remember, this is my experience, strength, and hope. You’re writing your story, so take what works, what you can, and leave the rest. It’s free, and goes nowhere unless you take it.
God bless, and stay close to what helps you the most. Whatever that placeholder is for you. Let it show up for you instead.
by admin | Aug 16, 2025 | AA, Addiction, Lifestyle & Work
It is not rare to change Sponsors. They tell you from the get-go, it’s not a marriage, it’s not X, Y, or Z. And that’s precisely what I have said about myself and to others replying “You need a more cerebral program, I get it.” By cerebral I do not mean analytical. This is Spiritual. This is put a plug on the “God-Complex” issue and listen to the issue of God or your Higher Power in [your] life comcept.
I had a Sponsor. It was Sponsorship for the sake of saying “I have a Sponsor.” It was horrible. Have you ever needed structure, steps, (all 12 of them in AA?) and found yourself doing nothing? It happens. No two people sponsor the same way. And some may work for some and others for others. I needed a lot of structure. It’s what I am accustomed to. It helps me sit, and read, and talk about, and see what I am doing. So I changed to the Sponsor who took me through the steps. That was completely different. It was “call me every day.” It was this is your assignment, if in two week’s you’re ready we’ll do step work. And that’s how it went. I changed Sponsor then as well. I remembered something, I think she may have felt confronted, and pushed me away. It went so far that I said okay, I can’t deal with this. So I tried again. This is the issue:
Between that Sponsor and the Step’s Sponsor I was Sponsorless for a week. My mother was celebrating her birthday with a dinner, they had wine glasses on the table, and I went to say hello. I have never seen my hand move towards a drink nor me be so afraid I simply start walking away so quickly in my life. Ma ny, thousands of people know relapses as “wait, I just drank that glass of wine?” It was scary. So, I sent who would be my Sponsor a text saying I am scared out of my life, I had to walk away without saying goodbye to anyone, I was saying hello… She said let me be your Sponsor at least temporarily, until you find someone who fits for you. And so.
Being without a Sponsor when that happened was the catalyst I needed to do something else. And I did. This is not to say that people are not Sponsorless. There are many who say “I have never had a Sponsor.” Other have had one for the Steps, and then none afterwards. A Sponsor’s ONLY job is to take you through the steps. Sometimes people gain friendships out of it. That’s great for them. That has never been my intention when Sponsoring, and it may be why I may not be everyon’e cup of tea. I do not send emojis after every message. I ask how you’re doing, I ask you to call me, gratitude lists possibly, and a lot of work. The work is necessary. You don’t go from Step 2 to Step 5 by having a phone coversation and saying you’re ready you gave it to God. There is a Big Book, the TEXT of Alcoholics Anonymous, for a reason. That person you hear in the rooms who says “we went line-by-line” to see what that is truly saying, is the kind of Sponsor I have needed. I didn’t do a Gratitude List until after the steps that I asked, “can I send you one, to keep myself in check?”
This may sound different than expected. It is possibly the fact that I go by “taking you through the Steps” and nothing more.
by admin | Aug 16, 2025 | AA, Addiction, Lifestyle & Work
Step 5 tells me “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”
Step 5 was not difficult for me. People run away from it. Step 5 was a relief. You see, I knew exactly what this was doing—or I thought I knew it all. That is certainly not the case. I knew it would be cathartic, and would be cleansing. My steps were at times difficult, especially when needing to remember things. I had heard so many stories, worked in various ways on Step 4, and in truth there was a lot that I was scared to forget and leave out. It is, though, only the first of the moral inventories done. It is only the first time around, and it is not meant to be perfect. It wasn’t. It was full of issues with family, full of self-centered fear, full of self-serving behaviors, and all of those culminate to a huge presence of fear.
Many people burn their first 5th Step. And that’s cool. I did not. My Sponsor at the time doesn’t do that. We sat at a Panera on Miracle Mile in Coral Gables and it was hilarious because I actually thought people cared enough to hear these things. I read the whole thing, she sat, and when leaving said I’ve done worse. The same thing happened when doing the 3rd Step. We did the 3rd Step prayer at one of the parks on one of the beaches on Key Biscayne. And it was in front of other people. Come on, get down on your knees. And of course I did. I was nervous, didn’t look around consciously but certainly wondered about it, but said the prayer, got up, said okay—end of the day.
I have told Sponsees Step 5 is not for anyone to sit and analyze what you did or did not do. The person serves a purpose, and the only purpose is to create the space taken by someone, people, the world, knowing that [you] are NOT perfect. That you have done things as well. And it’s not a testament to them accepting you. It’s a testament to you accepting them and to your honesty. It’s a testament to your holding yourself accountable. To realizing that I’m not only thinking I did these things, and I’ll tell myself, and God. I’ll also cement it in time. And these statements seem dramatic, even to me writing them, but it is really important because you gain a little of insight into who you have been. It’s challenging. Then comes part, present, future—where do I stand and when do I think of these if at all? Step 5 is a huge turning point, but in Step 5 you meet yourself for the first time, and see exactly who you have been. I am not a fan of doing Step 5 with anyone. I changed Sponsors because I did not trust my Sponsor enough to do a Fifth Step with her. It says it in the Big Book, make sure you choose who you do this with. Many people, many, many people do it with a priest in confession. A part of me, that is quite traditional and orthodox, would have done it like that. Doing a Fifth Step is much scarier prior to doing it, the anticipation, the “self-centred fear” associated with it is the scary part. A Fifth Step is you being ready. They say Step 3? Not for me. For me Step 2 was more difficult. They say Step 3 is the step you take saying I am willing to take the remainder of the steps. I don’t feel that way. I think it’s easy to say “Take this.” It’s easy to make a list. For me, I had to “suit up and show up” at Step 5.
The steps are in order for a reason. But I did get to see that I was manipulating my parents as a child. Friends in high school because I had a car and my parents’ trust that they needed, and they had a social life which I wanted outside books and so sure you pay for the (I drank it too) MD 20/20 and I’ll ask someone to buy it for us. By the way, anyone who drinks MD 20/20 really should consider a Fifth Step just admitting to yourself, God, and someone else that you went there to get drunk. As for sitting with God. That as my biggest, not fear, but the most emotional part of my Fifth Step. I had blamed a lot of me on God. How dare you? Why would you do this? How can you “love” me and still be willing to see me live this way, or barely live at all? In the end I don’t know what that meant. I know to me, it meant that regardless what happened, no matter what it was or who was allowing me to be or do or experience anything I was there too. It remnains a mystery to me. If I attemopted to dicern it further right now I would place myself in the “I want to understand God” which is synonymous to I want to “control” who God is. So I had the conversation, and left it at that.
Step 5 is nothing to be afraid of. Suit up, show up, do it because you believe that in the end it’s what you need, not what anyone is forcing you to do. Believe in you enough to know that [your HP] does too. (Still working on this every day. Progress not perfection)
by admin | Aug 15, 2025 | AA, Addiction
I bought The Next Frontier Emotional Sobriety I & II a few weeks ago. Not really. It was more like 2 weeks so a few wouldn’t be correct. Point being. I began reading it (a few weeks ago), and truly began reading it yesterday. I am only on page 8 right now and the passage is “Spiritual Agony.” I look for precision in diction and syntax—a personal issue I have—and the definition of Agony is the following: Extreme physical or mental suffering.
This story, and I’ve only gotten to paragraph 3, includes 3-4 day blackouts, and other countries and hangovered mornings, and…
Someone called me today, and I had this extensive connversation about “you should see [the drink] in all of the contexts it stood. It was your boyfriend, your boss, your friend, your best friend, etc. And, of course because we share our ESH (experience strength and hope) I told her mine. I also said I cannot place this substance that ruled my life in a bottle, though. It started everything. I was a child I have no idea except that by the age of 9 I was very conscious of drinking sangria to go to sleep, and doing it hiding from my mother (as best as I knew how at 9). The whole “Off to the Races” happened, too. And it was not with alcohol. But it solved the same issue. It was painful. Taking LSD on a dare at the age of 15 with your best friend who was a “veteran” and the one who dared me (I would pay money to see [her] on that!) was not fun. But I did it. I don’t remember doing it much more after that. But I did smoke a lot at one point, did “drop” various X-pills at another, and did do a lot of what to me seemed like the most reasonable drug of all since I was abl to be coherent while doing it. I mean, when you start IVing cocaine there is an issue. The possibilities of overdosing were immense. Cocaine is an anesthetic, but whoever thinks that any drug is ever clean is not living on this planet.
Going back to the book, I thought of when I decided let’s try this LSD thing, but let me try to make it for myself instead. There was much more to be found on the Internet in the early 2000s than there is now. I wouldn’t know because I try not to do much of anything unless for work-related purposes. I remember the Hive, and a bunch of actual chemists and kitchen-chemists trading secrets on how to make your own MDMA. “Bee” and “Junior-bee.” I remember the articles I would read, how much research I would do prior to trying it. I read Buddhist monks go to the Himalayas on MDMA to meditate, and I think to myself I want to try that. Back to the LSD. I wonder what in the world I was thinking. I was “tripping” for a whole week, because I made the stuff at my friends house (with flower seeds), left it there to harden (they were meant to be gel-tabs—they never hardened, though—and would go daily to tap my fingers a few timnes, dampen my mouth, and “Off to the races” I went again.
I don’t remember where I was, or what I was doing, but I think it had to do with South Beach, Rolling (on an extasy pill), and never getting off of that that tipped me over. There’s that God-sized hole they talk about in the rooms. And it’s true. No one knows, though, it’s “God”-sized what they’re trying to fill, but there is something missing and it always resurfaces. They talk about the “Spiritual Malady.” Completely. I am an alcoholic and addict because I do not know how to have a “God” or “Higher Power” in other words. I do not know how to let go. I do not know how to have faith. I am terrified shitless of people, places, things, situations because I am so scared that I have to live this life that I know nothing about. I do not know how to be human. I do not know how to be waiting, and hoping, and feeling overwhelming love, and devotion, and at the same time not think “is everything okay” “are we fine” “are you okay” “can I do anything” “what do you need?” I do not know how to do that. It’s living life in a way that I think is right, which never is, that makes me think that being an asshole is the right way to get things done. That saying It’s my way is the way to have people like you. And all that other stuff we all do because we learned it befoire we got to learn that being kind and loving and sweet and caring was the easier softer way. Not to get hurt, no, te get anything and everything you have ever wanted. In the end, the moment [your] defenses go up the person beside you will have theirs up even higher. Who wins now?
I am conistently reminded “I have a Step-1 Problem!” Yep. I forget that I have no power over anything. I am in this world by myself and only for you. The moment I think I am here for me is the moment I literally start getting miserable. Tell me that time you got arrogant how good it felt and how much you took with you? Go just a little further, to the end of the night, to the next morning, to the thoughts you were avoiding. Tell me now that you think about them why did you avoid them to begin with and how does it feel now that you allow them to show their face?
This is why I take the program seriously. It is like becoming vegan. I got healthier, my pallete got broader, I started cooking better, I even get to feel special at times if I need to take it there. I don’t miss the drink. I don’t miss the drugs. I don’t miss the hangovers. I don’t miss the rolling until 5am EST to sleep for 1 hour to go to some morning sports event at 8am EST to be asking myself who are these people and when was the last time you slept? “No thank you I do not eat chicken wings for breakfast.” Who is who and what is what and no the worst thing you can ever do while taking any pill is drink alcohol—you’ll OD quickly actually—stand next to the water fountain all night instead.
Those experiences are not funny, romantic, enaging. They’re ridiculous, life-altering, heartbreaking. They’re broken cracked shattered pieces of life. We don’t close doors, we move forward, we walk through them, but if and when we look back, they’re still right there ready to sting the life out of you if you dare go near them ever again. And this second time around, they know you better, they hurt you better, and they stay longer better, too.
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