It is not rare to change Sponsors. They tell you from the get-go, it’s not a marriage, it’s not X, Y, or Z. And that’s precisely what I have said about myself and to others replying “You need a more cerebral program, I get it.” By cerebral I do not mean analytical. This is Spiritual. This is put a plug on the “God-Complex” issue and listen to the issue of God or your Higher Power in [your] life comcept.

I had a Sponsor. It was Sponsorship for the sake of saying “I have a Sponsor.” It was horrible. Have you ever needed structure, steps, (all 12 of them in AA?) and found yourself doing nothing? It happens. No two people sponsor the same way. And some may work for some and others for others. I needed a lot of structure. It’s what I am accustomed to. It helps me sit, and read, and talk about, and see what I am doing. So I changed to the Sponsor who took me through the steps. That was completely different. It was “call me every day.” It was this is your assignment, if in two week’s you’re ready we’ll do step work. And that’s how it went. I changed Sponsor then as well. I remembered something, I think she may have felt confronted, and pushed me away. It went so far that I said okay, I can’t deal with this. So I tried again. This is the issue:

Between that Sponsor and the Step’s Sponsor I was Sponsorless for a week. My mother was celebrating her birthday with a dinner, they had wine glasses on the table, and I went to say hello. I have never seen my hand move towards a drink nor me be so afraid I simply start walking away so quickly in my life. Ma ny, thousands of people know relapses as “wait, I just drank that glass of wine?” It was scary. So, I sent who would be my Sponsor a text saying I am scared out of my life, I had to walk away without saying goodbye to anyone, I was saying hello… She said let me be your Sponsor at least temporarily, until you find someone who fits for you. And so.

Being without a Sponsor when that happened was the catalyst I needed to do something else. And I did. This is not to say that people are not Sponsorless. There are many who say “I have never had a Sponsor.” Other have had one for the Steps, and then none afterwards. A Sponsor’s ONLY job is to take you through the steps. Sometimes people gain friendships out of it. That’s great for them. That has never been my intention when Sponsoring, and it may be why I may not be everyon’e cup of tea. I do not send emojis after every message. I ask how you’re doing, I ask you to call me, gratitude lists possibly, and a lot of work. The work is necessary. You don’t go from Step 2 to Step 5 by having a phone coversation and saying you’re ready you gave it to God. There is a Big Book, the TEXT of Alcoholics Anonymous, for a reason. That person you hear in the rooms who says “we went line-by-line” to see what that is truly saying, is the kind of Sponsor I have needed. I didn’t do a Gratitude List until after the steps that I asked, “can I send you one, to keep myself in check?”

This may sound different than expected. It is possibly the fact that I go by “taking you through the Steps” and nothing more.