“Hi everyone, thank you for calling on me, all of you for your service, and everyone for choosing to be here today. My name is Lily and I am an alcoholic and an addict. As for why this works for me? I do not know. I can say it’s because of that ‘God-sized hole in my heart’ or maybe because I have a spiritual malady. It’s so many things but I know that whatever I tried before didn’t give me the peace of mind I have right now. I cannot fathom what my life could be like otherwise, and don’t want to. I wish I could walk you through a recording of what falling asleep in 2019 looked like. Because you see I have had “so-dryety” for what, 2014-2022? And it was not a nice time in my life. It was miserable. I can’t remember all of the things I did but aside from being miserable to be around I hurt myself like never before. Nothing to cover up my inability to find peace and not knowing how to find peace where I was. I want that agenda. God should give it me. I will continue waiting. But until then I will do what makes me feel good. What makes me smile. Saying I love you. Listening. Camera off. Sometimes speaking. Saying ‘I have no idea where this is going but…’ and then ‘I’m going to go ahead and pass… would you like to share with us tonight are you available?’.

For the record, Dr. Silkworth, you called it the phenomenon of craving. It is. I have an experience and it fits and then I cannot stop because I continue to believe it’s possible to reach again when it’s not. Like an alergy? Yeah, I simply don’t react to it like other people. I don’t know what it’s like to have fun drunk. I never had a good time but I did it. A lot of it. And then added more things, substracted things, had extra amounts of that and then one day said I’ll stop and did. ‘This is an open-meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, ‘this is closed meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous.’ ‘I am sorry if you are here to observe for your course, this is a closed meeting of AA there are 24 hour open meetings all over the world try this number this url and you can find one. We’re sorry but this is a safe space for individuals who have a desire to stop drinking and stay sober.’ ‘Well, then give yourselves, your high power, and anyone you find pertinent to your sobriety and program a hand for the chips that you do hold or are working on.’ ‘If we can have a moment of silence for the still sick and sufferring both inside and outside of the rooms, and everyone caiught in the way of this horrible disease through no fault of their own – followed by the 7th Step Prayer: My Creator, I am now willing that You should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that You now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do Your bidding. Amen.‘

It is a few days late. On June 10, 2025 Alcoholics Anonymous made 90 years of continuously “helping” people. I am not going into “saved my life” or “changed my life” or “I have a life because of AA.” It has created space, held space, in many ways. It’s been difficult, and trying, and picks at you, it even disregards the scabs because in the end they don’t matter. Here’s Dr. Bob’s Farewell Letter. “Who wouldv’t thunk it!” “Thanks to the benefits of this fellowship I have not had the desire or needed to pick up a drink today.” And there is a lot of weight behind that statement. A drink does a lot. It does so much. It does too much. “Drinking was only but a symptom. We had to get down to causes and conditions” (AAWS, 2012).