Happiness. It’s something we all chase. Right? Whether we’re climbing the career ladder, seeking love, or filling our days with hobbies, at the root of it all is the same goal: to feel happy. But what happens when it seems like happiness is always out of reach, dangling like a carrot we can never quite grab? Does it mean we’re powerless over our own happiness?

It’s easy to feel that way sometimes. Life throws curveballs—stressful jobs, broken relationships, health struggles—and we’re left feeling as though we’re at the mercy of the world around us. Happiness feels fleeting as if it’s something that happens to us rather than something we have any control over. But here’s the truth: we have far more power over our happiness than we realize.

Understanding What Happiness Really Is

First, let’s break down the idea of happiness. For many of us, it’s tied to external circumstances—having a great job, a loving partner, or financial security. And while these things can contribute to our well-being, happiness isn’t always about what happens to us. It’s often about what happens within us.

Research in psychology shows that three main factors influence happiness:

1. Our Circumstances (e.g., our job, relationships, health)
2. Our Genetics (some people are naturally more prone to positivity)
3. Our Intentional Actions (how we choose to think, act, and react)

While we can’t always change our genetics or fully control our circumstances, we have a tremendous amount of influence over our actions and mindset—and that’s where the magic happens.

The Power of Choice

Think about the last time you were faced with a challenge. Maybe you were passed over for a promotion or had an argument with a friend. In those moments, it’s easy to let negative emotions take over. But what if you had a choice? What if, instead of reacting with frustration or self-pity, you paused and asked yourself:

• What can I learn from this?
• How can I grow?
• Is there a way to find joy or gratitude in this moment?

Happiness doesn’t always come naturally. Sometimes, it requires effort. Choosing to focus on the good, to be grateful, or to look for lessons in hardship doesn’t mean ignoring pain or pretending everything’s okay. It means taking back your power by deciding how you respond.

Small Actions, Big Impact

The idea of “choosing happiness” can sound overly simplistic, but it’s grounded in science. Research shows that small, intentional actions can significantly improve our sense of happiness and well-being. Here are a few practical ways to regain power over your happiness:

1. Practice Gratitude: Take a few moments each day to reflect on what you’re thankful for. Even small things, like a sunny morning or a kind word from a friend, can shift your mindset.
2. Focus on What You Can Control: Life is unpredictable, but you always have control over your attitude, your actions, and how you treat others.
3. Move Your Body: Exercise releases endorphins, which are natural mood boosters. A short walk or quick stretch can make a surprising difference.
4. Connect with Others: Humans are wired for connection. Spend time with loved ones, reach out to an old friend, or simply smile at a stranger.
5. Find Purpose in Small Moments: You don’t need grand achievements to feel fulfilled. Even helping a coworker or sharing laughter with family can give your day meaning.

Letting Go of the Myths

One of the biggest myths about happiness is that it’s supposed to be constant. The truth is, life comes with ups and downs. Happiness isn’t about being cheerful every second—it’s about building a foundation of well-being that allows you to weather life’s storms.

Sometimes, we also wait for happiness to arrive instead of creating it ourselves. We think, “I’ll be happy when I get that promotion,” or “I’ll feel better when I lose 10 pounds.” But happiness doesn’t live in some distant future. It’s something we can nurture right here, right now, no matter where we are in life.

You Are Not Powerless

So, are we powerless over our happiness? Absolutely not. While we can’t always control what happens to us, we can control how we think, how we act, and how we choose to experience the world. Happiness isn’t a destination you arrive at; it’s a practice you build, day by day.

Take a deep breath. Look around you. What’s one small thing you can do today to bring a bit more light into your life? Maybe it’s calling a friend, savoring your favorite meal, or simply pausing to appreciate this very moment.

Because in the end, happiness isn’t something you have to chase. You can create it—and you are more powerful than you know.